Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
