Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
