im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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