apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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