She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
