he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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