I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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