Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
