nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
