i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
