I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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