I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
