what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's shark week go big or go home
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
