My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
