she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
