I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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