I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
