i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
