Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
