Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
