using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Girls should come with a carfax report
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
