The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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