Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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