I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
