A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
