i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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