you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
