Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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