Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
