I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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