omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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