Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They took my balls.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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