You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
