Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
