Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
