farters have to be the big spoon...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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