finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
