No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
