I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
