Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
