nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
