Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
