If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
