My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
