she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
