she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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