she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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