I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
