I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I die, sorry about rent.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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