I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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