So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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