Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
