i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
