Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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