Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
