I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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