My friends, they love my intelligence
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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